You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
