dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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