I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Randomize
