my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
