Having a random hookup so left but love u
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Floor bacon is actually really good
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Randomize
