Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
