You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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