Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
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