Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
