So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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