Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
You are a genius and a whore.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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