There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
