Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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