My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
