This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
