You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
you're hired as official boob wrangler
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
