My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
