Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
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