I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
