Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize