I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
