Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
A bitchslap is in order.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
