Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize
