You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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