Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
