Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
