carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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