I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize