I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
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