don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
