and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
