There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
