Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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