I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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