I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Randomize
