I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
