I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Porn is love you can see.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize