the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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