no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
i dont even know how to be here
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
