; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
