my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
