I hate your face
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Randomize
