i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize