I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
