i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize
