Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
