Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
