I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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