It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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