If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
