I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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