I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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