is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize