am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
