I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
