my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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