my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
