She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
