they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
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