By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
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