she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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