mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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