I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
