If i come over, it means nothing
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Randomize
