I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
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