he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
