she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
