You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Congratulations! We have a period
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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