His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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