I think im going to throw up on grandma
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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