I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
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