needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
