can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Randomize