the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
