I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
