k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize