At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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