if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Just high enough for therapy.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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