When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
