so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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