come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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