I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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