Don't make out with my wife yet
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Randomize
