Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Randomize
