using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
