At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
