So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So much Jack, so little girl.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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