Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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