She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No...this little piggys going to the bar
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
