Whod you bang
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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