Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
