im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize