You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
if only i could text you this smell
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
My legs feel like baby dolphins
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
