"it" just moved
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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