so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
