That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
