We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
