Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
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