I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
