Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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