The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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