Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Randomize
