Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
