Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
