I am in a vortex of obligation.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Quick, to the slutcave!
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
love makes seman taste better
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
