wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize