I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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