ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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