Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
