fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
