Who wears a wallet chain?!
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
