tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize