My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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