Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
